May

Bryce and I went to the Tulip Festival with Lauren. He loved running around and of course had another sucker. He kept saying "Mmm... so good. I yuv (love) it." We sat and listened to a teenage karaoke show at the waterfall after seeing the tulips. It was so funny to hear their not so great voices but Bryce loved to dance to their tunes.

We had a very productive Saturday with Russ. We went to an ice cream place for breakfast that serves waffles then you can top it with frozen yogurt and tons of toppings. We then went to Home Depot to buy stones, flowers, mulch and soil for our yard. Home Depot has projects for kids on Saturdays and Bryce was able to make a flower pot. After planting and fertilizing our bushes we went to the Tulip Festival again!

 Tyler, along with the Hunsaker and Schaefer priesthood holders, blessed Baby Nixon on May 4. It was a beautiful blessing and touched our hearts as it reminded us of our Olivia. Nicole bore a beautiful testimony of eternal families that brought Russ and I to tears. She mentioned some of our experience with Olivia and her gratitude for that blessing. One of our nurses is actually in their ward and we said hello to her after. I had been carrying around thank you notes for the nurses for weeks but hadn't found the courage to return to the hospital to drop them off. This kind nurse was gracious enough to take them for me. After the blessing we all went to the park for a luncheon and visited. Nicole's mom spoke to me and gave her condolences. She said that I must be a special person to have gotten to be the mother of such a special baby. Overall,  it was a beautiful day and I love that we all live close enough to get together for occasions like this. On our way home we drove to the cemetery to visit Olivia and to our surprise Dustin and Lydia pulled up behind us with a flower for her. It meant so much to me that someone besides us visited her. It is so important to me that our families don't forget about her. I realize she doesn't take up as much room in their hearts as ours but it means so much when they ask how we are doing or say something about her. I often think people are afraid to bring her up on the chance it might make me sad, but it makes me so happy to know she is being thought of. I am always thinking of her anyway so it isn't like they are bringing her up out of the blue.

Summer has finally come around and we love being outside. Bryce loves the sprinklers, "spinkles" as he calls them and playing in the grass. Tanner is storing Addi's Jeep in our garage so Bryce and I take it for a ride every now and then. Our neighbors put up a swing set in their backyard and they let Bryce play on it. He loves to swing and is so cautious as he goes down the slide.

Bryce is obsessed with Star Wars and especially Darth Vador. Trey, our babysitter's son, has taught him all the character's names, which is more than I know about it. If you ask Bryce what Vador says he will do that scary breathing thing. I'm still not sure if he has ever actually watched it but I am glad Disney has made everything Star Wars because Bryce loves it. We went to a Star Wars themed Bee's game in Salt Lake for May the fourth be with you. Bryce loved playing with his buddies and we visited with our friends. Bryce was too afraid to go on the train by himself so Russ rode it around the ball park with him and all the other kids. The best part was when Bryce got to meet and take his picture with Vador and all his buddies. 

Bryce's 3 favorite things: BYU jersey, Darth Vador and Spider-Man

I don't know if I was more excited for Bryce to see Darth or if Bryce was more excited to see him.

Crew and Bryce just ignoring the stay back sign

Surprisingly this boy can eat a whole hot dog.

Lexi, Taylor, Kelsey, Beckam and Bryce

Russ and Bryce came into my office and I cleaned their teeth. Bryce opened and let the dentist look but that is about it. As long as he is getting used to being there I am okay with a slow transition into an actual cleaning. His favorite part was getting a new toothbrush and a prize.

We visited the new children's museum at Thanksgiving Point. We went during a member preview and it was so busy but it is an awesome place for kids of all ages. I know we will be there a lot once fall and winter come around.

This is a stage where kids can put on a show

No he didn't build that but it made for a cute picture.

If you know Bryce, you know he loves water.

This rubber stuff self cleans and when it piles up the light shows a topography map

Hold on Bryce, we are getting blown at 84 mph

Bryce also loves airplanes. He was afraid at all to climb these rope bridges up to this plane. I was terrified on the other hand.

Russ and I were able to go on a date to the BYU Art Museum to the exhibit Sacred Gifts. We had dinner at Mama Chu's, one of our favorite Mexican Restaurants in Orem before. This is cathedral masterpieces that were lent from around the World. Some is from a castle and others are from churches. These are huge pieces and they are amazing to see. They are so clear they could be photographs. The loaners of the art said the art has never been lent out and is unlikely to ever be lent out again. Since we visited so soon after losing Olivia I feel like some of the pieces had special meaning to me. One piece was of Mary, Jesus' mother, when she was pregnant with Jesus and then after he was crucified. You could see the pain, heartbreak and years it added to her face. I'm sure I don't look like she does but sometimes I feel like people can just look and see my loss on my face. I know they can't but I feel more vulnerable. I can't quite explain but it is almost like when I am in a crowd or public I feel like people look at me different. I know this isn't real but it feels strange to me at times. Another piece of art was of Jesus' tomb and there were white lilies outside and the plaque said those symbolize the hope of the resurrection. I have wrote before how I love spring and the tulips and this puts perfectly into words why. They symbolize hope, hope of the resurrection, hope of new life and hope for the future. We ended the night with ice cream from the creamery.

I did a little organizing in the toy room. We went to Ikea and got an organizer and baskets for all the toys. Hopefully, sooner rather than later this room will be Bryce's bedroom so we will need a way to put the toys away. Now I just need to teach him to clean up and put the toys in their proper baskets.

 We also did a little garage organizing. Tyler came over and helped Russ put up this hanging storage rack.

Bryce started calling himself Brycey Honey-saker. I love when he says it. It really is the most adorable thing. 

We got a new car. I think we actually got it in April but it missed the April post for some reason. 2014 white Hyundai Sonata 2.0 T. Russ made sure I put that T in there. I was so shocked that Russ actually bought a new car. He has had the same 1997 Honda since I met him and said we wouldn't get a new car until all my student loans were paid off. He went to the dealership with my brother on a Friday afternoon and came back close to midnight with a new car. I was talking to my sister in law about how surprised I was that he bought it so quickly and she suggested it was his way of grieving. I hadn't thought of it that way but I can see that as a possibility now. Russ is very frugal and researches things forever but this was a quick purchase. It's a nice car and I drive it since we traded in my Jetta.

We visited the farm again. Bryce actually rode the horses by himself! He always tries to get off early but this time he held on the whole time. He is getting so big!

I got a new light for my loupes at work. My old one went out and I was so happy to get my new one despite the $350 it cost me. They tried to charge me $700 but then my dentist told me they only charged him $350 and he helped get me the same price. I wouldn't/couldn't do hygiene without these glasses or light. 

Bryce pretty much loves every super hero. He found this mask at our friend's house and wouldn't put it down. He looks so cute as captain America "captain erica." He also got to meet Elsa from Frozen at another friend's birthday party. Once he got over his Toy Story kick he started a Frozen kick. He acts so strange when he meets characters but by the time we left he loved her.

My friends from hygiene school got in touch with my friend, Audrey, who did Olivia's pictures and had some beautiful canvases made for us. We put them up in our bedroom. I had a very hard time deciding where to put them because I don't want to hide her but I also don't want people who don't know to ask questions. They also got my the "O" for the necklace I have with all of our initials. I cherish the two necklaces I have with her initial on them. Also, a few girls I went to Ecuador with sent me this memory tree in honor of Olivia. We planted it in our front yard. I can't wait to see it bloom and watch it grow. 

Bryce started dipping his fruit and anything for that matter in "dip" which is ketchup. Just watching him makes me gag but he loves it and even eats spoonfuls of ketchup. 

When he wakes up and cries I always let him come sleep with us. I always regret it later because I get zero sleep but I love when he wraps his little arm around my neck and cuddles up next to me. 

I finally discovered story time at Thanksgiving Point. I can only take Bryce on Wednesdays but it is so fun. They always read a cute story then an activity or a pet for the kids to meet. I have ran into my friend Britney several times with her daughter Millie. Bryce loves Millie and always asks to see her. 

I got a beautiful sympathy bouquet of flowers from Select Health, our insurance company. I called them after I got them to see what the status of our claim was but all they could say is that the hospital started an appeal that week and it could take some time. I try not to think about it too much because it stresses me out to think they won't cover Olivia's birth. 

We really have a fun little neighborhood. One of our neighbors had an end of school party with a movie on a big blowup screen in their backyard. 

Russ and I have been training for the Timp Half Marathon again this year. Bryce has actually been pretty good about just riding along in the stroller. It helps that there is a model airplane flying field along our running trail. We always stop and let him watch them for a few minutes. The trail goes by the lake and along the Jordan River. I feel lucky that, if nothing else, I have a beautiful place to run.

We got a few pictures from the photographer at the Running with Angels Event. 

We got Olivia's blessing certificate from the Bishop. I know it's silly but I love having tangible things of her. Russ was so happy we got it said it means so much. It means so much to me too and I love that it is important to him. I finally listened to and wrote down her blessing. It was beautiful and I am so glad Russ' mom thought to record it. 

I decided it was time to put the box of her things away. I got this huge red box with the hand print/foot print frame kit I got from my Aunt Sherri as a gift and it has worked perfectly to store all of Olivia's stuff. This box contains cards, her blankets, her dress, photos, her ultrasound dvd/pictures, bears, molds and hand and foot prints. I keep the bow tied because I am afraid Bryce will get into it and ruin something and I know that would devastate me. I finally put everything in it, tied it up and placed it on the shelf in my closet. I felt so guilty putting it away because I was literally putting her on a shelf but the truth is I needed to do this. I have pictures of her and her prints up in my bedroom and I kept her blanket out that I sleep with sometimes but for now I need to take a break from the rest of her things. We still visit her every week and think of her everyday. Every time we go Bryce to visit her Bryce says "Ah-eeyas house."

Tanner, Lauren, Russ, Bryce and I all took a Sunday drive up to Tibble Fork. It is so beautiful up there. I am always amazed that we live so close to the mountains but we rarely take the time to enjoy them. Tanner was a champion rock skipper and Bryce loved throwing rocks in the lake.

Bryce got his first bandaid

We started swim lessons at a survival swim class. It is a 20 minute lesson where they teach them to float on their backs. So far Bryce cries and hates when they make him lay back but he is not afraid of water so I am hoping he will learn to float. How cute is he in his shades and Spider-Man swimsuit?!

We have also been to Lindon Pool a few times and to our friend's community pool in Eagle Mountain.

My peonies bloomed and they were absolutely perfect. I love the colors! I cut a few to take to Olivia.

I saw this rainbow and had to take a picture. Every time I see a rainbow I think of that song "If I die young... Lord make me a rainbow I'll shine down on my mother, she'll know I'm safe with you when she stand under my colors..." I am always thankful for these tender mercies, whether it was meant for me or not.

Another picture of my handsome boy!

Quotes:

"Let us relish life as we live it, find joy int he journey, and share our love." -Thomas S. Monson

 "I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow." Jer 31:13

"If today you are a little better than you were yesterday, then that's enough. And, if tomorrow you are a little better than you were today, then that's enough." -Elder Bednar