Olivia's Service

Tuesday, April 1, 2014 we laid our sweet Olivia to rest in the Lehi City Cemetery in the infant section. That morning Russ and I both woke up not wanting to get ready. We both wished this was a terrible April Fool's joke but it was our reality. We rushed to get ready. How do you really get ready for your baby's funeral? I am still not sure, even though I did it. Russ wore a gray suite, I wore a black dress my mom bought for me, and Bryce wore gray pants and a tie. All the preparations had been made. Programs printed, balloons purchased, flowers picked up but, like I said I felt so unprepared. As we drove to the cemetery we prayed for comfort. The weather forecasted rain and snow but it was just cold and windy. As we pulled up the white limo that Olivia was brought in was parked on the road just next to the folding chairs and a small green platform. We waited in the car until it was almost 11 am when the service would start. I was happy to see that the carpet covered green stand hit the hole underneath where she would be laid. We got out of the car at 10:55 am as more family and close friends arrived. I sat down in the middle front row with my parents, Russ' parents and each of our grandparents next to us. I was thankful that Russ greeted most of the people as they arrived. All of our siblings, parents and many cousins, aunts, uncles and close friends came. The nurse, Mary Ellen, and Heather from Angel Watch came to support us. I held it together well but I knew that at any moment I could crack. Through this process I have realized I don't show my emotions in front of everyone and that is okay. I held Bryce on my lap as long as he would sit there. He did end up running around a bit. I shook as I sat there probably from the cold but it hurt to know she was going into the ground. Russ and Tanner carried Olivia's tiny casket from the car to the stand.

Our Bishop, Bishop Jones, conducted the service.

My grandpa gave the opening prayer. He has always been such a strong influence in my life and we wanted him to be a part of the service. Russ' friend Kolby has a beautiful voice and sang Be Still, My Soul for us. He did a beautiful job.

Tanner gave a few sweet remarks and this are the points I remember : he said he had never been more proud to be my brother, he said Russ and I lived our faith and were a great example. Here is a copy of the talk given by Tanner.

Olivia
As I thought about what I would say, I was at a loss……  I really
didn’t know what I could say that could remotely measure up…..  As I
thought I realized there was nothing more fitting then sharing a
little about the past few weeks exactly as they were…

Over these past few weeks I have never been so proud as a brother, as
a brother in law and as an uncle.  I have witnessed two people in my
sister and Russ who truly live their beliefs… Two people whose example
of strength, love and faith is something I will never forget.

As I entered the room right after Olivia was born I didn't know what
to expect….  As I walked in there was sadness yes, but more than that
was a sense of peace and joy…. And when I saw my sister holding
Olivia, it was as though the two had seen each other before and I
knew…… this was not by chance or tragic circumstance……I knew there was
no point in asking how or why something like this could happen…..the
answer was right in front of me…..  Heavenly father doesn't trust just
anyone with his most valiant….  My sister and Russ were meant to be
Olivia's parents…. He knew you were worthy of her….

Olivia was here in this life, in her mortal body for just over 3 hours
and in that time her earthly mission was complete… In that time she
made things better…; she made me want to be better…. I have been in
this life much longer than that and in my last hours if I can say I
brought forth just a fraction of that same spirit that accompanied
Olivia then I can say that my time here was not wasted.

Olivia, I am so proud and thankful to be a member of your family and I
know without a doubt I we will see you again…  and until then I know your hand
will be evident in our lives and I am so thankful for that.

We then all sang Families Can Be Together Forever. Russ gave a few remarks as well. Russ really felt that one of us needed to say something at her service. I couldn't do it and he was so sweet to me to do it for both of us. I have the copy of what he said:

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I would like to share our Olivia’s special story with everyone in hopes that you may come to love her just as we have. Back on November 15 when we found out we were having our second baby we were so excited! That excitement 2 ½ weeks ago turned to sadness when we found out she wouldn’t live with us very long, if at all. As you can imagine our hearts were broken, we never thought that something like this would happen to us but for some reason we never felt mad or angry and I know it is because we felt an amazing amount of love from our savior and that this was part of his plan for Olivia and us. We hoped and prayed that she would make it through labor so we could spend anytime at all with her and possibly give her a baby blessing. Those prayers were answered and we were able to spend 3 hours and 14 minutes with her. In that time we were able to give my precious daughter a baby blessing that I will never forget, I felt the spirit like I never had before, knowing that she would soon return to our heavenly fathers presence. I felt that she would be whole again and that she would continue to touch other people’s life’s just as she did ours. Looking back now on the special time we spent with her we would not change anything. We will be sad but we are so grateful to have Olivia as part of our eternal family.

 There are a couple of quotes that have brought us peace that I would like to share;

 “ Joseph Smith taught the doctrine that the infant child that was laid away in death would come up in the resurrection as a child; and pointing to the mother of a lifeless child, he said to her: “You will have the joy, the pleasure, and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of spirit.” There is restitution, there is growth, there is development, after resurrection from death. I love this truth. It speaks volumes of happiness, of joy and gratitude to my soul. “

 Bruce R McConkie Said:

Among all the glorious gospel verities given of god to his people there is scarcely a doctrine so sweet, so soul satisfying, and so soul sanctifying, as the one which proclaims – little children shall be saved. They are alive in Christ and shall have eternal life. For them the family unit will continue, and the fullness of exaltation is theirs. No blessing shall be held. They shall rise in immortal glory, grow to full maturity, and live forever in the highest heaven of the celestial kingdom- all through the merits and mercy and grace of the holy Messiah, all because of the atoning sacrifice of him who died that we might live.

 We know we will have our baby Olivia again and we look forward to the day we meet again. Until then we all have a beautiful angel to watch over us. We know there will be times we will be sad but we would like you all to celebrate her brief life with us and look fondly on this time we have all shared together. We are so thankful to each and every one of you for all your love and support. We have been overwhelmed with the outpouring of love we have received. 

 Russ' dad then dedicated Olivia's grave. He did a great job. He prayed for protection for the space she was laid to rest and that it would be hallowed ground.

 Lastly, we decided to do a balloon release. I had seen photos of another family that did this and it was an idea in the Angel Watch papers. I really wanted to do it in celebration of Olivia. Despite this being such a heart wrenching time, I wanted to do something happy and sweet. We got baby pink balloons with white polka dots. They cuteness of them makes me think of her. We got 40 balloons and I don't think we had near enough but they all looked beautiful floating away. Bryce chased them because he thought they were all his. 

We informed everyone of the luncheon at the church. We received many hugs and condolences. Most people left and we had a few minutes to be with Olivia before we had to leave. This was the hardest part for me. I couldn't stand the thought of leaving her there all alone and in the cold. Still as I write this it hurts to know she is out there. I just wanted to take her home so badly. I sobbed and Russ held me close. I know it is just her body and her spirit is not there in the ground but her body is what it tangible to me. I think of her perfect, tiny face when I think of her. We stayed there a while. I would have stayed there all day if people weren't waiting for us at the church. Bryce kissed her little bed and that was enough to completely melt my heart. I don't think he has much of an idea what is going on but that was so tender for me. He points her out in pictures and says baby's blanket when he sees her blanket. He asked me where she was one day when he saw her blanket. I told him she when to live with Jesus. Reluctantly, I got in the car and we drove away. I have the image burned into my mind of her little box sitting there all alone as everyone, including the mortuary guy left her alone. I did know the sextant from the cemetery would come out and bury her but I didn't realize that she would just sit there alone until he did. I will tell myself he came right after we left and she wasn't left there in the cold long.

My memory is so foggy these past few weeks but I am pretty sure it started raining as soon as we left the cemetery but it could have started before we got in the car. We arrived at the church to a beautiful lunch. I had a very hard time asking for help with that. One of my dear friends in my neighborhood but not in my ward offered to put on the lunch but I knew it would be way too much work. She suggested talking to the Relief Society in my ward and contacted the Relief Society President for me. We were told that people signed up so quickly to bring food and help with the lunch. They decorated each of the tables beautifully and all the food was great. We are so blessed to have such a great neighborhood and ward family. Everyone enjoyed visiting and lunch. We got so many hugs but I was happy that everyone seemed happy. Russ and I wanted this to be a celebration of her life and despite my breakdown at the cemetery I think we accomplished that. I don't mind one bit that it was cold, windy and rainy that day. Maybe Olivia likes rainy days.

We came home and Bryce napped and Russ and I did too. The rest of my family that was here took the kids to the Kangaroo Zoo and let us relax. We received two more bouquets of flowers that day. One from Russ' office and the second from Valley OB. I was so impressed they sent flowers. I know that Dr. Bean had something to do with it. I will again say how amazing they have been to us! I have said it before but I will say it again... We have been blessed by so many during this time. We have received so many flowers, cards, calls, texts, messages, treats and love. We will be ever grateful to everyone who loved and supported us during this time.

A special thank you to Tyler and Nicole for taking all the wonderful pictures at the cemetery.