Olivia's Due Date

July 29, 2014

4 months and 1 day after her actual birthday and the day we lost her.

Rainy and cold just like her birthday, March 28, and the day of her funeral, April 1.
Lauren and Nicole both mentioned that Olivia must love the rain. 

That day wasn't like anything I had imagined months earlier when I found out I was pregnant. I had made so many plans and imagined what our lives' would be like with two amazing little children in our home. Russ and I, almost daily, talk about how amazing Bryce is and how we feel like there is someone missing in our family. It wasn't a terrible day but definitely not a good day.  My aunt, her 3 kids, Nana and Mom were all visiting and had they not been here I would have likely stayed in bed all day. Instead, I worked in the morning then ran some errands. Once Russ got home we took 10 tiny (10x10-12x12in) blankets I made to the American Fork Hospital for other parents experiencing a loss similar to ours. I bought two of Olivia's blankets and kept one. I keep it next to my bed and snuggle it sometimes. It reminds me of the reality of her life. I hope the blankets find their way to other parents that could use comfort. I hand wrote cards for each blanket that read:
 
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"We are so sorry you are experiencing this right now. As a family who has experienced a similar tragedy, we can understand the loss you feel. We kept our daughters blanket and it has brought us a lot of comfort. We hope you can accept this gift in honor of our Olivia and pray that it brings you comfort.

Hunsaker Family" 

Taking the blankets was much more anticlimactic than I had envisioned it. The nurse at the desk didn't seem overly excited about it and I felt rushed explaining why I brought them and who they should go to.  I have since decided not to let that ruin the experience. We received so many wonderful things to remind us of Olivia while we were in the hospital and I know that they will be well received from parents. I plan to take more blankets each year on her birthday.

We then went to the cemetery with my family and released pretty pink balloons to Olivia. I love, love, love this. I know we've done it several times but I love watching those balloons float up toward Heaven. Since it was raining we didn't stay long. We took a few pictures of all the kids with their balloons then headed off to dinner.

Relief is the only way I can describe what I felt when that day ended. Russ and I were sad and missed her but just as every other day, the world has gone on since her death. I no longer have to look forward to or dread July 29. The anticipation of the day was much worse and sad than the actual day.  I think now that it has passed it will be just another day. March 28 will always be the day we celebrate her beautiful, little life.